I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize