I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize