i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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