ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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