I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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