is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
