I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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