i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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