I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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