He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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