Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
