You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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