she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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