I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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