there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
