dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
