everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
