that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
