At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You are a genius and a whore.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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