Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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