At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
