HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
