They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize