i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
