so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
