did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
