I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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