youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
