It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
