There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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