He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
