i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
