We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
