My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
