Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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