I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
