It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
