I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize