i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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