my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
