Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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