would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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