I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
