I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
