do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
