Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
