Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
