Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
