I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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