just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
