He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize