i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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