i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
