oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
FUCK WHALES
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