Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
