You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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