I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
