i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
