so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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