He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
