Nicole vs. Life
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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