Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
