You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
