break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize