She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
