got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
