Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
