It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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