Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Randomize