he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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