And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
