they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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