So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need a beard to bite.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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